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Re: This Metamorphosis: the Race Against Death |
| Name: |
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Joian |
| Date Posted: |
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Aug 26, 08 - 9:09 PM |
| Message: |
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Whew guys, well I am Joian come lately in your discussion but it so blessed me......my heart swelled within me....the past four years have been a myriad of revelations coming so fast at times I can hardly breathe. All has changed and yet the foundation built upon is still Jesus, my rock......
The last few weeks I keep seeing this picture over and over of a seed in the ground and the pressure of the earth around it is melting and corruping the outer shell that encases it in order for the seed to go free.....(and the seed falls into the ground and dies, to bring forth life).....when you prayed Eli, it felt like a blast came from your prayers and I agreed.....come in Oh King of glory, into this corrupt half peeled shell and finish the work....amen............
Saturday at breakfast this phrase of a song I used to sing kept floating around in my head....
If you would give your life away
For nothing in return..........
I finally stopped my reading and realized it was the Lord....and I asked him......what he meant.....
As he shared what he was asking, I truly grieved.......All those years of being taught sow a seed and reap a harvest........and now I understood I, was the seed and I knew all my old wants, desires, hopes for the future and anything for myself....was to go on the altar.....I grieved all day as he dealt in specifics, in my inward parts.....he showed me more in one day than I had seen in years......and the odd part was how he was showing me to rise up as part of dying to the old.....I wondered how many more times I would be on the altar and then I didn't care.....I just said do it Lord.....burn it up....
I have shared the unusual physical manifestations happening with me, they are a constant within me.....the way it used to feel when you carried your babies in the womb...... I rarely share these things as I am already way out there with my family.......lol.......So you have become my family without which my journey would be so much more difficult......
I read your account James over on TM about the time you traveled in the winter time, homeless to get to this christian conference grounds..and the night in the barn. I so saw all that you described and could not stop reading until you were rescued......lol.your journey always touches me and you are a most unique brother.....it pains me to know you have suffered so...and how I pray for you to go free.. the light you bring is so remarkable.......I too join with Eli and Jack for your restoration and peace....
Well just one more thing......Saturday night I was sitting on my patio and my youngest who lives next door came over to chat......The Lord showed up and I got to share my heart about the error taught in seed sowing........we cried and then she recalled to me a story about when she was 9. Her father had not been home for a month....he seemed to be having a nervous breakdown but would not seek help....I told the children their father was sick and that God would restore him.....she said during that time, the Lord came to her and said, Your Father is not ever coming home again, she said she began to cry and the Lord told her he was there, she was not alone. Then he told her to do something that was peculiar to my experience with the Lord and it would be years before I ever shared it. He said Chrissy put your arms out and I will let
you feel me....She said, she responded by putting her arms out and his comfort flooded her and she felt him holding her......She had never shared anything like that before.....how it blessed me to think he was visiting my children then and still is now.
During those years after the divorce when I would be overcome by fear and weariness, the Lord will tell me to come into the living room and sit with him......as I would obey he would tell me to lean on him and put my arm around him.....when I did he would comfort me and talk to me and it was as if I stayed in his embrace for hours.....If someone would have walked in I suppose they would have thought I was sure hugging that pillow in an odd way....lol Those days have never stopped.......he is so real to me...
We shared our mutal experiences and then she said, that's the same voice I've always heard mom and I know that's the inheritance you gave to us.....to just assume it's natural that God speaks....as she left I felt his arms around me.....and I shared the wonder of resting in him....and the wonders you each share, well I never tire of hearing them......
I love him so....and each of you........
Joian |
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